Thoughts
by garretelliot
Summary: Have you ever wondered what someone is thinking? Here is my look inside a character's mind.


Title- Here She Comes

Author- garrrettelliot

Summary- Garrett's thoughts on Jordan

Disclaimer- Boy oh boy do I wish they belonged to me

Authors Note- I always wonder what he's thinking, so here my attempt at getting into his head. To garretlover please write more, there aren't nearly enough Garret stories. 

Here she comes, tearing down the hall, Jordan in all her glory. I am really not awake enough for this.

"Garrett, have you seen this memo from the wicked witch."

"Good morning, Jordan, I had a great weekend. How was yours? Traffic wasn't too bad this morning. You know sometimes people actually greet other people and make small talk before going into full rant. Just one of those social skills you hear about. You might try them on for size sometime."

" Damn it, Garrett! The bitch just sent a memo stating that all personal leave must be approved by her, I already made plans to go away for the weekend and now I'll be damned if I'll beg that self-important cow to let me have the time off."

" Jordan, Rene already called me about the memo. It's a clerical error. Some new clerk sent it to everybody on the list including the mayor. Rene is very embarrassed, she's asked me to apologize to my staff."

" So you get to say sorry for her screw-up, typical Walcott."

" Jordan, do you think maybe this could wait until I've had some coffee. My machine is out and traffic was actually a real bitch, I didn't even have time for Starbuck's, so get off my ass."

"But it's such a hot ass." Jordan reaches around and squeezes the left cheek.

I stand staring after her as she bounces off, thanking God I wear loose slacks to work. If anyone ever saw the physical response she causes with her teasing, I'd have to relocate, I'd never live it down. How can she get to me like this and not realize what she does to me.

" Dr. Macy, Your daughter's school is on line one." Emmy came by at warp speed as usual.

Shit, what has she done this time! Sometimes being a parent sucks. After yet another discussion of Abby's problems with authority, I finally get back to the business of being an ME.

" Garrett, I need to talk to you." Jordan cruises back past on her way to autopsy yet another victim of Boston's insane traffic. " Can we do lunch?"

" Sorry Jor, no time. Lunch meeting with the DA."

" Called to the principal's office, hey were you not good enough last night or is this an afternoon delight thing" She waggles her eyebrows suggestively.

"Enough, Cavanaugh. Back to work, wench."

" Sir, yes sir. Don't let Dragon lady chew off too much, babe." With a quick hug she's off again.

God, I never really get use to feeling her arms around me, smelling that warm vanilla-patchouli scent that is Jordan's unique fragrance. I always wonder what would happen if once I held on and kissed her until we're both breathless. The few times I've managed to hold her, she's been looking for comfort from her friend. I'd rather be so much more than that.

Before I leave for lunch I stick my head in Autopsy one, where she's working. " Jordan, dinner tonight? Thought you might like a change from The Pogue."

" Sure, Garrett. How 'bout that new Thai place."

"Actually, I feel like cooking. See you around seven?"

" Cool, later."

She and Hoyt seem strained around each other lately, things don't seem to be going so well with Mr. Middle-America. This might be the time to tell her how I feel, if I can find the balls. I don't understand how I can fall for a case like Jordan, but hearts don't always do the smart thing, just sometimes the right one.

God, I can still see her in that coffin. I realized that night how I truly felt, so close to losing her forever and I still couldn't tell her. Every time she runs I pray that God will let me see her one more time. She has no idea that I think of her all the time. Even with someone else all I see are those eyes, hear that voice, feel those slim fingers. Sometimes I go into an autopsy just to watch her move. Christ, talk about being a case, I think I'm starting to obsess.

Lunch with Rene was a real treat, as usual. Being grilled by someone you slept with is not on my top ten. Abby is sitting in my office, like either of us needs round 797 of father-daughter "time". Another day, another fight with my kid. Just what every father needs.

After Abby stomps off to sulk, I plan dinner in my mind. The right wine, the right music, and maybe a little confession. Then I will finally do what I've wanted to and hold her as a lover not just her "bestest girlfriend".

" Garrett, can we talk to you." Jordan's voice pulls me out of a fantasy of how the night might end.

" Jordan, Detective Hoyt. Come in."

The object of too many late night fantasies sits on the edge of my desk, swinging a long lean leg right beside my chair. That damned jerk cop stands beside her, arm on her shoulders.

" We wanted you to be the first to know, Woody and I are engaged." I can't speak, can't breathe, so this is what hell feels like.

" Congratulations, it's about time." Nigel's voice comes from the door.

As the lanky Brit hugs Jordan and moves to shake Hoyt's hand, I regain enough of my sanity to smile and pull Jordan away from Nigel for a hug. I am rescued from congratulating Hoyt by Lily and Bug's arrival. If I got near him right now I'd kill him. I'm an ME; I could get away with it.

After an impromptu party, Jordan begins to leave with Him. There she goes, walking toward the door. God I could really come to hate Woody Hoyt. She smiles at him, and I want to punch his goddamned clean-cut face in. He never stops trying to change her, make her what he wants, needs, thinks is best. All I wanted from her was to be the man beside her. To revel in the exasperating, beautiful, chaotic mess that is Jordan. I've been the one to cheer her on, try to rein her in and cover her ass. What I want is to hold her, love her, and wake up with her in my arms. I watch her walk away from me, knowing I'm a coward and a fool. Am I really going to let my last chance walk out the door without a word. I open my mouth to call her back, tell her how I feel. One word and she might be mine.

" Jordan," she turns back, "take the day off tomorrow."

She grins, runs over and plants a kiss on me that leaves me stunned. "You're such a great boss, Garrett, love ya."

Back in my office, I stare into space, thinking. I blamed my divorce on Maggie and her boy friend, but the truth is my heart was Jordan Cavanaugh's long before Maggie met what's his name. I probably fell in love with Jordan the day she came to my office to tell me she had quit the residency program. Standing there, hands in her back pockets, smiling that vulnerable little half smile that always broke my heart. Looking so damned beautiful. And me: the man who had never even thought of another woman besides my wife. Suddenly I wanted to take that whiskey-eyed waif in my arms and make love to her until that smile finally reached her eyes.

" Dr. Macy, Bug says he's ready to go in autopsy one." Lily voice cut through the haze in my mind.

Forget the wine tonight. I think this calls for scotch neat. Goodbye, my love. Be happy, my friend. Guess I'd better learn to like Hoyt.

" On my way, Lily."

Nigel sticks his head around the corner of his office as I pass by.

" Fancy getting knackered tonight, mate. I find it eases the pain or a least helps you to forget a little while."

The kind understanding in his face makes my eyes burn with tears I refuse to show to the whole office.

" Thanks Nige. Say you drink much scotch?"

Fin-

A/N- This was the very first fic I ever wrote for Crossing Jordan. I have debated posting it and finally decided to take the leap. If it stinks remember this is not my most recent stuff. Please read and review.


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